Are you suffering from a robust, healthy sexual appetite? Does the idea of intercourse with a consenting adult give you a disturbing feeling of excitement and anticipation? Has erotic activity become something you engage in because you want to and not because you have to?
If so, you may be afflicted with a normally active libido, or, as it’s also known, Restless Wang Syndrome. If this is the case talk to your doctor about prescribing ViagRick, the new ennui-enhancement pill from the makers of Rick Santorum.
As you know, only Rick Santorum can decide what is and isn’t proper sexual conduct for people in the privacy of their own homes. But unfortunately, Rick Santorum, as God-like as he is, cannot be everywhere to check up on folks and make sure they are indulging in intimacy that is Rick Santorum approved. This is where ViagRick can help. ViagRick works its catholic magic on the male crotchticular region and allows you to have an orgasm that isn’t ruined by that annoying feeling of pleasure.
For a good Christian, marital relations are supposed to be a chore, a boring task to be avoided at all costs. But unfortunately, procreation is the only way to bring more white people into the world, so every now and then, punching a time clock and laboring in the drudgery of sex is part of God’s plan. Well, during a ViagRick-induced erection, it will seem as if your penis is filling up with the Blood of Christ. ViagRick is exactly the kind of drug Jesus would have sold if instead of working as a carpenter he had gotten a job as a Pharmacist at Rite Aid.
And if your male organ goes near anything other than a vagina, ViagRick will send your entire body into a rapture of revulsion. ViagRick is made from the same chemical compound as Rick Santorum, so it knows that any kind of sexual relations other than the sacrament of frigid churchy love can lead to bestiality. And remember, just because your dog is loyal, that doesn’t mean he’s attracted to you.
If you take ViagRick, you will have the confidence of knowing that you are clean and pure. Because of Rick Santorum’s endorsement, it is a brand you can trust. After all, would anything dirty and disgusting ever be associated with the name Santorum?
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